Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Macy's Day Parade Pre-game 2013

On the fourth Thursday of November, the Macy's Day Parade is literally my reason for living. Yeah, food, whatever but if I don't see Pikachu at least once god help you because I will bitch about it all day long. My favorite part of the Turkey-Day-Slow-Jog for the past couple years has been the official website. They list everything ahead of time from the balloon line-up to rough time slots, so I know exactly when to stop ignoring the marching bands. I've got a full meal to cook at seven am, do you really expect me to just sit there while Tony Danza yodels in my ear? No sir, time is of the essence. 

The highlights of this year are:


Eeeeeeheheheeeee! Ive been on a big Dragon kick for the past week, and the idea of Chris Sanders' kitty cat dragon looming ominously over the Oklohoma State Junior Red Savages Marching Squad is doing so much for me right now.


Every year Sonic shows up, and every year I'm amazed. How? How does Sonic the hedgehog get to be as prolific as Spider-man in a nation wide event? Don't get me wrong, I love Sonic, and I hope he sticks around forever. But c'mon, this isn't even what he looks like anymore! Sega must have signed quite the deal to keep holding that blue spiky gun to Macy's head every year. More power to you, you beautiful outdated sonuvabitch.

Finn and Jake

This...this just makes so much sense. How has this not already happened? Jake is literally a living balloon! And their bodies are made of simple curved lines! If anyone deserves to be honored in the form of sexy, squeaky latex it is Finn and Jake. Sweet mother of Glob.


The floats are have become a complete snooze fest in recent years, but imagine my surprise when I stumbled across this among the pile of ugly clowns and irrelevant celebrities! A Ninja Turtles float with real fake ninja turtles! And a band! If the turtles bust out a fat rhyme, I'm just throwing in the towel and going back to bed. Thanksgiving over, nothing will be worth my time after something as amazing as that. This, this is what I always imagine the parade will be like every year. Even though it hasn't been since '98. I mean, when was the last time the Turtles even showed up in a parade, period?

Considering I'm writing this at eight pm the day before, Happy Turkey Day! Now get out of here, there's gluttony to be done in the morn'.

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