Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Madame Mordessa: Bishopville Lizard Man

You find yourself knocking on the front door of an eerie manor house in the gator infested swamps of Florida. Lightning strikes in the distance as the old door slowly creaks open, revealing an entrance hall trimmed in red and lit by torches. As you step inside, a furry gremlin with the wings of a bat perches on your shoulder, leans into your ear and whispers: Welcome to...






 
Oh, greetings dear patrons. I'm sorry, I was expecting someone else. He lives in the area, perhaps you've seen him? Seven feet tall, green and scaly? Likes to be called "Lizard Man"?


Well, I don't know if he likes the name in all honesty. He's not much of a conversationalist. You'd be lucky to get more than a hiss or snarl out of him, but that's what the citizens of Bishopville have taken to calling him. After all, you need a catchy name for the headlines when you're reporting the night time antics of a giant reptilian humanoid. His nocturnal activities usually involve a savage attack on a parked SUV. We've all been there, haven't we? You drain the life blood of a holy man, and the next thing you know hydraulic fluid is dripping down your arms and the engine of a land rover is in your hands, still steaming from the cold night air and inescapable throbbing of the pistons...


...I digress. The only evidence to be found of these vehicular rampages are bloodied headlights and shredded bumpers. Who can say what causes these self destructive fits? Perhaps he feels threatened by the ever spreading human sprawl, and seeks to frighten away his territorial competitors and preserve his swamp centric way of life. Or perhaps he's just afraid of cars. Some theorize that there is not one but many lizard men, a subterranean civilization descended from the dinosaurs and bent on destroying the mammals who usurped their throne. These are, of course, fairy tales. He may be an entertaining dinner guest, but the lizard man is no vengeful saurian saboteur. Just a simple reptile with an irrational fear of  automobiles. 


Good night, dear patrons, and if you should see my friend on your way home try not to look him in the eye. He may mistake you for an SUV. He mistakes alot of things for SUVs...

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