Friday, October 28, 2011

Zoo-Quest Part 2: The King Has Returned!

We now return to our regularly scheduled chimp-stench.

Uuumph check out this sexy side-bear...

Bone of contention, Little Rock Zoo: Your website is plastered with pictures of red wolves, there are signs pointing everywhere to red wolves. The only red wolves I saw? In this bizarre, crudely drawn sun faded comic page. The kicker? It's in spanish. Lolwut?
This Lion is clearly the lord and master of all he surveys. The moment he awoke from his glorious slumber, he began roaring and pissing on peasants through the fence. I tip my hat, sir


The best of the Halloween setup had to be this graveyard in memory of the badass species that ain't here wit' us no mo'. Megalonyx, cave bears, mammoths...thanks for reminding me, assholes :'(




You know how I said zoos are my horrible vice? What I meant to say was "Keep me away from the giftshop, or horrible things will happen." The beast takes over, and I just black out, only to wake up in a haze of overpriced rubber animals and a puddle of my own shame. So what monstrous disaster occurred when this grown ass man was set loose on a toy store?

One tiny measly gorilla. The damage was only fifty cents! Not nearly overpriced enough! This giftstore was a disgrace to the name, these tiny animals were the ONLY ones there! There were barely any plush! No wooden clacker snakes! And worst of all... THIS WAS THE ONLY DAMN GORILLA! Granted, this is a super badass tiny gorilla to go with MAH TINEH CAVE-WIMMENZ!
One great ape doesn't a disco make, however. This bear pretty much sum up my gentlemanly opinion.

speaking of which, this guy was freakin' adorable. I know which tiny animal I'm getting next tiiiiiiiiime...! 

On a more awesome closing note, this panther? 22 years old, and missing half his paw. Their average life span? about 11 years. Doesn't get more hardass than that, folks. You can read his tail (HA!) here.




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