Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Zoo-Quest Part 1: DAT GORILLA

Field trip! For the first time in over 3 years I FINALLY get to revel in my most depraved of vices: Zoos. I loooooove zoos. Exotic animals, cheap novelties, and a labyrinth of paths to explore, Oh my yes. And this Zoo just happened to be decked in full Hallow's Eve regalia. Monkeys and skeletons, two great tastes together at last.

  I got a little slap-happy with the photo-box, so this article is DRENCHED with pictures. Ye' be warned...

You'll have to forgive me if most of these pictures are of gorillas. I can't help that they're the most badass animals on the face of the earth. This is a fact. I mean look at this guy. Does he have a damn to give? Protip: not a damn one.

The primate area was a goldmine: badass gorillas, depressed orangutans, dancing chimps. It was all great until some Italian tourist bastard started chucking tic-tacs at the chimps. That's when the opportunistic little buggers' true colors shown through: flipping the finger, begging for handouts. The gorillas, being the civilized gents of the jungle, scoffed at this foreign man's sugary bribes. I don't come to your country and chuck breath mints at your monke- OH WAIT! You don't have any monkeys. Just snooty pasta-mongers and goats. Good day, sir.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any more gorill-awesome, I turn the corner and see THIS:

There was a cornucopia of smaller simians as well, gibbons and lemurs and what-not.

But there was a dark shadow cast on one of these poor hominids (other than the obvious rainy grey clouds that pissed around all day-dammit nature, cut out that jealousy crap and let me look at artificial nature in peace!) The Siamang, native to china was surrounded by a pond. A koi pond. really? blatant racial profiling like this just demeans us all. What, you want him to eat his oranges with chopsticks, too? Maybe put on a kimono and rice hat? Bang a little gong? Savages.

so that was fu-OH GOD!


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