Friday, September 30, 2011

The Harvest Moon Rises

The season of the beast is upon us, friends! The graves are shifting, the scent of pumpkin is in the air, and a flood of orange and black chokes the supermarket shelves!

So many movies to watch, candies to be eaten, and only a month to do so. Stay tuned, dear readers, and keep your torches ready...

CoH part 2: Superfriends

I looove the NPC heroes!

I've started getting quests that get other heroes involved, and every one has a unique story and look.


Like this jerkass, Icedrone. A local gang was stealing supplies from refugees, and this ass starts using it to push his whiny anti-government spiel. After a good whack from the stick of persuasion, he came to his senses and helped me take out the thugs. He's still an ass.


And then I totally got invited to a Super-sleepover! This superteam had heard about how much ass I stomped, and invited me over to do each other's hair and play spin the kryptonite! Their was Flambeax, the self absorbed airhead who never shut up. Then Twin shot, the cocky sharpshooter who invited me over in the first place ( pretty sure she was checking out my ass the entire time. Side effect of not wearing pants, I suppose.) And then Dillo, the alien who barely spoke english. Being a Yeti, I barely speak english, so we had a lovely conversation.


 

Suddenly, some Arachnos jackasses decided to pull a panty raid! Fortunately, a friendly wolfman named Grym (Ohoho DELIGHTFUL) showed up to help toss their asses out. Best sleep over ever,  BFFs 4EVER!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Don't Sweat the Spandex

Few MMO's can hold my attention. I love World of Warcraft, not because I actually just love grinding (oh god no) but because it's so damn pretty and I'm one of those pathetic wretches who actually cares about the story. ( please die Garosh) All the grinding and fetch questing and slooooooooooooooooowwwwwwww leveling keeps me from playing more than a month at a time, and since most MMO's are WoW clones I can't say I'm madly lusting for the genre. 

Then there's City of Heroes. I played the free trial years ago, and my pants haven't fit right since. When I heard that it finally went free-to-play, I promptly exploded my crotch and rolled up a new character.

Character creation works like this: The developers hand you a giant box of legos and say "here make whatever". And I mean whatever, midgets giants robot werewolves 20's gangsters, the only limit is your imaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaation. And, if you're inclined to buy imaginary things, you can buy even more extra special legos. Being a plastic fiend, my disposable moneys are few and far between but those barbarian clothes....hmmmm.


Today I was feeling I little 80's and ALOT Frazetta, and wound up with She-ape, axe-wielding chosen champion of the Yeti-folk! Come to forge an alliance with her small pink hairless cousins! Now when I first played, the tutorial level was a nice leisurely stroll through catch-the-crook-ville that took a good hour and a half to finish. Apparently times have changed, cuz I was dropped head first into burning city full of aliens and meta-humans punching each other in the crotch. The tutorial practically screams "Run, bitch, run!" and you learn how to attack, level up, and whether you're a hero or villian in the most panicky, frantic 3 minutes of any game ever. 

When the bullocks finally ceased hitting the fan, I found myself in atlas square, the starting zone for heroes. This isn't the average "go here and talk to this guy" starting zone, the entire area is chock full of purse thieves to thwart, rogue robots, semi's to leap over and militant mutants to sock the balls out of.  The first quest-giver is a G-man who survived the attack on Galaxy city (the clusterfuck you just stumbled out of) and lost his wife in the process ahhhh... you mean the quest givers are actual people with real stories? No "I am the black smith. I make hammers. You need hammer?" But how am I supposed to skip the text and pretend to know nothing about the world I'm in?! Stupid immersion...


Mister G-man wants me to smack around a cult of demon-worshiping thugs, and stop their head honcho from sacrificing some civilians to bring an eldritch horror into the world of the living. Let me repeat that: The first quest is BADASS. After beating the fear of a non-pagan god into the cultists, you get a phonecall from G-man's wife! She's not dead, she's been kidnapped by Arachnos! DUN DUNDUN!!! You always feel like your doing something important in this game, whether stopping a bank-heist or hunting down warlocks on ghetto rooftops.

And getting around is fun. Whether you're flying or using super-speed or just booking it like a regular person, you feel like a beast leaping over traffic and fences, dodging civilians and picking off a few street punks on the way. One women even said "If it weren't for She-ape, my cousin would be dead!" when I ran by. Awwww they care! If you try talking to civilians they'll spout random facts at you, like how long you've played and how many thugs you've defeated. Why is the entire city stalking me? well I guess it's...flattering...that you know exactly how many steps I've taken mister business man. Just keep your hands where I can see them.

I can't really say much about the multiplayer, being a chronic hermit and all, but I'm sure joining a superteam and getting a nemesis would be amazing. If you're on the fence, just make a character and I guarantee you'll be hooked. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some evil bastards to axe in the face. I HAVE THE YETI POOOOOOWEEEEERRRR!!! DUN DUNDUN DUNDUN DA DA DUN DA DUH DUN!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Trolls Eat Christians

 Movie review time! From the land of vikings and waffles comes TrollHunter, The best shaky-cam movie ever. Seriously, Cloverfeild? Blair Witch? This movie gives those a gentle yet firm paddling. 

The premise is thus: Trolls are real, and one lovable grizzly old guy keeps the bastards in check. Now these aren't the modernized Lord of the Rings trolls, these are the progenitors, the ORIGINAL trolls. The kind that stole babies and ate goats under bridges. You know, these guys:

 
  Yeah, haven't seen much of them lately have you? And boy will you be seeing ALOT of them. This isn't your typical handcam peek-a-boo monster movie, you'll have trouble NOT seeing something troll related. And the variety! Trolls come in four flavors, Tosserlad Ringlefinch Mountain King and Jotan. And that's just the ones you see on screen! By the end of the movie our lovably gruff guide Hans takes you on a magical mystery tour of all things troll, from mating habits to diet, and still by the end I wanted MOOOORE. Sequel please, mister Norwegian independent filmmaker guy?

The best way to see this movie is netflix streaming, and if you have netflix you have no excuse. It's not like there are any other good monster movies out right now anyway.
The only thing missing was my favorite brand of trollfolk, the Huldra. Sometimes you've just got to fill in the blanks yourself: